My Heath Is My Job: Imogen’s Story
On paper, I am 25 and unemployed.
During my second year at university I had a major operation where I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I had been struggling for years and it had gotten to the point where I couldn’t cook for myself anymore or go to the shops to even buy myself toilet paper. After finishing my degree, I had a second operation and I haven’t worked since.
I am now in constant pain due to endometriosis and adenomyosis.
I can’t remember the last time I didn’t feel pain in my body.
This of course leads to other symptoms such as fatigue and brain fog which together make it impossible for me to think and focus long enough to hold down a job.
I wanted to work, I wanted to have banter with my colleagues and make a difference in the world, my health was just holding me back. It felt unfair as I watched all the people I grew up with starting that chapter in their lives from my bed. This lead my depression and anxiety to get out of hand, filling my head with false accusations:
I’m not giving back to society.
I’m the only person who is living like this.
The world would be better without me, I have nothing positive to add.
I am a drain on my country and my family.
But then, I had a break-though, what if I didn’t see myself as unemployed? What if I saw myself as self-employed. I decided to hire myself to look after myself. Every time I go to an appointment I see it as a work meeting. Every scan is investigating new options for my job (or body). Every therapy session is speaking to HR to make the workplace better for THIS employee. Every time I chase after an appointment or a scan, I see it as work admin.
This has helped in two main ways: I am no longer embarrassed or ashamed when people ask what I do for a living, and it means I can distance myself from the heavier part of my health so it isn’t as much of a burden on me constantly.
Yes I still live with constant pain and other symptoms, but dealing with the “medical” side of my health is now separate in my mind. Now when I have rough days, I think about my “employ-me” and treat her to something like lighting a favourite candle.
As many people with endometriosis will know, it isn’t easy being believed. This is true in all aspects of life. The benefit system is no exception. Getting onto benefits was not an easy choice. I didn’t want to be a drain on the economy, but sadly I can’t pay myself to look after myself without external help.
I applied for universal credit and someone there told me to apply for Personal Independence Payment (PIP). When I applied for PIP I was told “you aren’t sick enough”. This was a blow at the time, but it only encouraged me to see my health as my job. To focus on something I could control and to believe myself and get others to, so I wouldn’t ever be told I wasn’t being believed again.
-Imogen Hooker
