No One Warns You That Your Period Can Do This

I have struggled with “typical” PMS since I first started my menstrual cycle at the age of 12. For years, I dealt with the usual ups and downs that many experience, but nothing prepared me for how drastically my life would change in my early adulthood. I had no idea how severe my PMS were about to become. In 2017, my life began to fall apart. I began experiencing what I now know were severe PMDD symptoms that lasted for nearly two weeks every month. These symptoms included suicidal thoughts, extreme fatigue, depression, panic attacks, and irritability that felt impossible to control. It was almost an out-of-body experience that transported me into another version of myself every two weeks. This cycle repeated itself month after month. I felt hopeless and out of control.

The effects on my life were overwhelming. I had to drop out of school because I simply could not function during those times. I found myself quitting jobs frequently, sometimes every few months or every year, because I could not keep up with the demands when my symptoms flared. Maintaining a healthy romantic relationship felt impossible. Even basic self-care tasks like brushing my teeth, doing laundry, or taking a shower became monumental challenges. I was unable to take care of myself the way I knew I should.

Some days were especially dangerous. I had thoughts of crashing my car before work every single day. I could barely make it into the grocery store, and there were many days when I only made it as far as the parking lot. PMDD is not just difficult. It is a life-threatening condition. Studies show that one in three people with PMDD attempt suicide. If you feel like you want to die before your period, it is far more than just PMS. This is a serious medical and mental health condition that deserves attention and care.

In 2019, after months of suffering in silence and trying to understand what was happening to me, I self-diagnosed with PMDD. I brought this up with my therapist, who at first did not know much about PMDD, so I had to explain the condition. Eventually, I received an official diagnosis, which felt like a mix of relief and despair about my future.

Unfortunately, access to proper diagnosis and treatment for PMDD remains limited. The mental health and medical industries are still not fully equipped to recognize or treat PMDD effectively. Many people suffer for years without answers or adequate support. The stigma surrounding mental health, especially conditions linked to menstruation, must change. PMDD is real, it is serious, and it deserves respect and better care.

By 2021, my symptoms worsened, and my suicidal thoughts became more frequent and intense. It was a very difficult period, but thankfully, my family stepped in and helped me move back home. This was a turning point in my healing journey.

With the support of my family, a new lifestyle focused on sobriety, establishing a consistent routine, regular exercise, and a change in diet, I began to see improvements in my symptoms. Most importantly, I found a therapist who truly understood PMDD and could provide the guidance and help I needed.

Today, I am proud to say that I am fully off medication. I am currently enrolled in a master’s program, in a loving and healthy relationship, and I have held the same job for over two years. This journey has been long and challenging, but it is also one filled with hope, resilience, and healing.

My story is not unique.

If you are reading this and struggling with PMDD or severe PMS symptoms, please know you are not alone. There are many of us who understand what you are going through. Your feelings are valid, and your pain is real. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Find someone who will listen and take you seriously. If your doctor or therapist is unfamiliar with PMDD, share what you know. Advocate for yourself.

PMDD is not just "bad PMS." It is a serious condition that affects many lives, yet too often goes undiagnosed or untreated. It is time for the mental health and medical communities to get up to speed and for the stigma around menstrual mental health to end.

If you are struggling, please reach out. You matter. You are not alone.

-Madison Ashworth, Founder of Pushing Past PMDD